Vincent Simone and Kristina Rihanoff in rehearsal for the Strictly tour last December. They started seeing each other soon after Vincent's partner Susan Duddy announced she was pregnant
The safe arrival of baby Lucas in August has surely been a bittersweet affair for Susan Duddy, the air hostess and former partner of Strictly Come Dancing star Vincent Simone. When Susan became pregnant last December, she’d been with Vincent less than a year, but she was living in his Guildford home and the couple had discussed starting a family. But discussion is one thing – a real, live bump is quite another…
When Susan, 36, broke the news, the dancer, who has been dubbed the ‘Italian stallion’, showed a ‘mixed’ reaction. ‘He seemed confused,’ Susan later recalled. ‘One minute he was really excited, saying, “We’ll need to have another baby right after so there’s not a big age gap,” and the next moment he was freaking out about what it meant for his career.’
Still, the couple pressed ahead, put an offer on a larger house and started discussing names. Two weeks later, Vincent left for a Strictly tour – and promptly threw himself into an affair with fellow dancer Kristina Rihanoff (neglecting to tell her about Susan or the baby). He later confessed all to Susan, but flitted between the two women, blowing hot then cold, sometimes begging Susan’s forgiveness, before creeping off to meet Kristina.
Ten months on, Susan is living with her parents and newborn son. However, she and Vincent have not ruled out reconciliation – and are sufficiently united to pose for Hello! ‘Susan and I are bonding more now,’ said Vincent.
‘I’m going to be the best dad ever.’ The pregnancy, it seems, simply frightened the life out of Vincent, and he describes the experience as a mini-breakdown. ‘I was a mess,’ he explains. ‘When I look back at that time, I just see dark, a blur. I went off the rails. It wasn’t me.’ Even Kristina has backed this up, saying to the press, ‘I think Vincent was very confused and scared about becoming a father and panicked.’
In fact, the pre-baby fling may be more common than we suppose. While newly pregnant women are grappling with swirling hormones and a rapidly changing body shape, men have their own issues to fret over: responsibility, commitment and, realistically speaking, a lot less sex. An affair offers a refuge and, if need be, an exit.
Psychologist Robert Rodriguez, author of What’s Your Pregnant Man Thinking?, has worked with expectant couples for more than 20 years. His own surveys suggest that
ten per cent of men – the majority of them previously faithful – cheat on their partners during pregnancy.
A trawl through the internet would seem to back this up. On Mumsnet.com, the popular UK forum for mothers, a distraught user seeks advice after finding her husband strayed during her pregnancy. Elsewhere in cyberspace, a woman wonders why her husband stayed glued to her side through 16 years of fertility treatment, only to begin an affair when she became pregnant with twins.
In Sydney, there’s a woman whose husband of five years attributed his odd, erratic behaviour to his fears of impending fatherhood. In fact, he had also started a relationship with a colleague. ‘He was pretending to be unsure about being a dad, but really he was taking that time to romance and feather his nest before departing,’ the now single mother tells her online community.
Vincent with Susan Duddy. Though not together now, they haven't ruled out giving their relationship another try
So what is happening? Surely there’s more to this than the fact that women may feel a little more tired and emotional and a little less attractive during the pregnant months? Even supermodel Heidi Klum found herself high and dry after becoming pregnant by F1’s Flavio Briatore. On the day that she announced she was expecting, he was papped kissing jewellery heiress Fiona Swarovski. But Heidi went on to meet singer Seal – while still pregnant – and she’s just had baby number four, a girl, to add to their brood.
Simon Jacobs, a psychotherapist who specialises in group counselling for men, certainly thinks that expectant fathers are affected. ‘Pregnancy – particularly when it’s your first – can be quite a lonely experience for men,’ he says. ‘There’s a lot of support for a woman – she slots into a community and has a high social status. There’s an excitement around her. People give her their seat on the train. She almost becomes public property. Her partner can soon start feeling like a spare part.’
At the same time, almost without exception, the man will be experiencing a whole range of emotions – from elation to pure panic. ‘There are fears around loss of control, loss of independence and feeling suddenly depended upon,’ says Jacobs. ‘The responsibility is a huge thing. A baby means a much bigger commitment than mere marriage.’
On top of this is a loss of identity. ‘Just as women often struggle with their place in the world as they enter motherhood, so do men,’ says Jacobs. ‘It sounds stereotypical, but, for many men, the ability to attract women is a huge issue, crucial to self-esteem. The image of a dad is less James Bond, and generally someone less dynamic. It’s the picture of cosy evenings in, reading bedtime stories to the children.’
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